1. after birth cramps– with each successive birth, uterine cramps increase as she works regain her original size. These can feel just like early stage contractions, leaving mom to wonder if there is no rest for the weary! Use vitex (chasteberry) tincture 3x/day. Another helpful aid was Stop Cramping! Tea which has vitex, cramp bark, and many womb nourishing herbs. It is available here: www.yiteas.com. I drank huge pots of this daily for about 4 days and really noticed a difference by day 4.
2. the belly pooch that flaps in the wind– of course it takes a little while to get your shape back but I didn’t remember feeling like I needed to hold my belly from the bottom when I walked around (similar to how it was during pregnancy)! Turning in bed was a 2 part activity: me, then my belly. The most comforting aid for this was a belly wrap. Maternity belts didn’t really fit me but if you have one that you like that’s a great place to start. I ended up using the wrap part of a Loopi sling but any supportive and mildly stretchy material that you can wrap and tie around your belly will work. I am still wearing it today.
3. the emotional roller coaster– this is normal and healthy but still mildly distressing if it persists on a teary level and a more serious COMMON problem if it persists with increasing vehemence. If you feel deep down that everything is ok but in the moment you need some support and room to cry lots of tears, motherwort tincture will provide you with what you need. Full dropperfuls whenever you want that hug, several times per day. I love my motherwort and keep it close to me at all times. If you feel like something is really wrong, you are not bonding with your baby and/or you are on a downward spiral, a thicker layer of support is in order. Start with www.babybluesconnection.org for some excellent resources. Remember that it is common to feel peak emotional havoc right around when your milk comes in (day 2-3 postpartum).
4. Clothes– So you are ready to be done with the maternity garb and are looking longingly at some cool and stylish wardrobe that has been idle in your closet since you became pregnant. Soon some of those clothes will fit but be prepared to keep a portion of the maternity clothing around for a few more months. Things I wore in my 2nd trimester are fitting now. At the same time, when I am home alone with the babe and leaking milk and covered with baby spit, maternity clothes are just fine. If you plan to breastfeed, put the dresses away for a while (unless there are buttons or a wrap design in the front). It’s all about skirts and pants and tops. As far as shoes go, don’t be surprised if they fit very differently.
5. Sibling dynamics-- If you have just expanded your family to include another child, this is the part about which all parents are watchful. We spent a lot of time talking to Jasmine, our daughter, about the fact that she will be an older sister and that there would be a baby joining us. She was allowed to touch and kiss my belly and ask questions, she was prepared to be present at the birth (Welcome With Love is excellent at describing an older sibling’s experience of being present at a home birth) and permitted to touch and hold baby Simon with supervision. All of these things helped a great deal though it is clear she is working out some stress around the fact that Simon is permanent. Some specifics include:
   1. Older child’s desire to nurse again. Every family must make their own choice about this. We decided for this first little bit she is allowed the option of trying to nurse too (she is almost 4). What happened is that she pretended to suck on the nipple for a few seconds and moved away satisfied. The down side of this is when she expects it to be ok to have access to the nipple in public. I am uncomfortable with it and it created some inconsistencies. Still, I am comfortable with what we chose. Other families rationalize with the older one that they get to enjoy so many yummy foods and focus on enjoyment of preparing, cooking and eating. Whatever works.
   2. role playing. My daughter is working out this new mother business by gathering “eggs” and sitting on them until they hatch. Unfortunately, her little black toy dog likes to squish the eggs and I am supposed to talk to the doggie about how he should not step on those eggs. We go through this for about 20 minutes per day and I figure something will click for her eventually. The best role playing I am seeing comes from a new baby boy doll with his own clothes, a bottle, a potty, a diaper and a carrier. She immediately named him Simon and seems happy to care for him the way she sees me care for our Simon.
   3. positive reinforcement. We are very conscious about telling her what a great big sister she is every time we see her interact with Simon. She seems to respond well to the praise. Likewise, when we have seen her go beyond her capabilities (like trying to scoop Simon up without supporting his head) and react with fear or nervousness, she breaks down and sobs. We are all learning as we go.
6. Gassy baby– there are some great pressure points to help relieve your baby of some uncomfortable bubbles. The easiest to find and remember are points on either side of the spine in the mid back (specifically on either side of T11 and T12). Use 2 fingers, one on each side of the erector spinae (the long muscles that are just outside the backbone going up and down) and press with the pads of your fingers. Hold for 1-2 seconds before moving down the back. Always move from top to bottom. Another spot is in front, along the midline, halfway between the bottom of the sternum (xyphoid process) and the belly button. Use your index finger to make gentle pressure and circle clockwise (towards baby’s left). I usually try to count to 9 but if baby is squirming away, stop. A third area for pressure point massage is along either side of the main leg bone (tibia). Gently squeeze with your thumb and another finger on either side of the bone going up and down, hold for only 1-2 seconds with each squeeze. Infant craniosacral therapy also works wonders. Find a practitioner trained to work specifically with infants.
7. Self care– It is most important for Mom to regain strength and feel supported. If Mom is happy and strong so is family. If people offer to help take care of you by cooking meals, doing laundry, holding baby while you nap or shower, TAKE THEM UP ON IT!! This is the time to rely on your community and heal from a full pregnancy and labor. If there is a post partum doula service and it is accessible to you, use them. You are not being selfish by nourishing yourself and accepting help. Mother truly is the center of the family and a minimum of several weeks is important recovery time. If your post partum bleeding increases, it means you are doing too much. Put your feet up, focus on bonding, feeding, changing diapers with this new little one. Nap often. Regain your center of balance. Allow your heart to grow.

“Enjoy these last days” says one voice of mine. “Ha! Give me my body back so I can sleep somewhere besides my side and walk like a normal person!” says another.

“Mama mama! Do you still have a baby brother/sister in your belly?” asks my daughter as she hugs my belly. “Wow! Look how big your belly is! Here, I’ll get it out for you.” She lifts my shirt and pulls the creature out from my belly button, delicately opening her palm for me to see. I thank her and kiss her beautiful hands.

I cannot walk or get on the floor to play 3 bears.

I cannot sleep because my belly has become a weighty appendage and hormones think production time is 24/7.

I have resigned to eating cookies on the couch while watching x-file reruns.

I no longer care that my belly is full of dark purple stretch marks and pointed towards the floor.

It’s all about me right now. At least as much as I can make it be.